71 - Poison Ivy 2: Lily

Connection to DANCE 'TIL DAWN - Alyssa Milano

Dear Alyssa Milano,

I hope you are well, I am just writing this letter to know that I wanted to thank you so, so much for helping me through puberty - the likes of Poison Ivy 2 and Embrace Of The Vampire - I enjoyed watching those films late on a television and went to bed with pleasant thoughts. I still thank you are something of a goddess. 

Yours sincerely 

Me

So puberty heh - do I really have to spell it out? --- I've got to be honest during those oh so important puberty years, late on before sleep-time I would scour the Satellite (Sky) channels, even those in German looking for actresses (remember this was pre-internet days for me) hoping for some skin and would sometimes get lucky, Drew Barrymore flashing in Boys On The Side, Uma Thurman in Dangerous Liaisons, Juliette Lewis in Strange Days - there was other of course, but it was with Alyssa Milano I felt like I hit pay dirt - with both Poison Ivy 2 and Embrace Of The Vampire.

I should acknowledge that I am not under any pretenses that these are good movies - I know they are not - the sad truth is Alyssa Milano is someone who is lacking in decent starring roles, there is just some actresses I really like and that is the case, but they'll get watched because they are in said movie.

Poison Ivy 2 is not as good as the first one, which you might recall I said was not great but better then it had any right to be, and yeah the story just isn't as compelling here - but, but Alyssa Milano droooooooooooools...

This time Poison Ivy is Lily, who starts the film more naive then damaged, she's an art student who finds a box with a diary and nude photos (of the girl who's diary it is - Ivy) and she gets the desire to have the same sexual desire/conquest that she has and the begins acting more like the girl of the diary.

Xander Berkley gets to be the old guy this time around that we don't want to see them do stuff with (but they do), he's her art teacher and she babysits his kids and we have a paranoid beau for her this time rather then a female friend (which was an asset for the first movie I think).

We do indeed get some Milano boob action, so for that alone I am entirely grateful for this film (1998 me is very happy so is 2014 me to be honest).

Overall, feels more soft core then the predecessor which is only good in the that because of you know Alyssa Milano, but as a film taking away the moments that I am clearly a pervert it's just not an overall interesting film.

P.S. seriously sorry for being a pervert.

69 - She's Out Of Control

Connection To WE'RE NO ANGELS - Wallace Shawn.

Noted film critic Gene Siskel said after watching this film he became so depressed and considered quitting his job of film critic (but seeing Say Anything the same day showed him that everything was alright with the world)... so in my opinion, talk about overkill, if I was to make a list of the 100 worst films I have ever seen, this would be nowhere near it mostly because, here's my confession here - I quite liked it.

We all of our own opinions but seriously of likely the 1000's of films Siskel saw, he said this made him depressed, maybe because Siskel wasn't a child of the 1980's so maybe we are viewing things a bit differently this to me was likable 80's goodness - that's a word I keep using again and again I've found I don't think it's because necessarily I struggle for words but for me it can go a long way in a film - while if it's a comedy the jokes can sometimes fall flat but if there is something... likable about the film it leaves me with a good experience of watching the film.

She's Out Of Control sees Tony Danza as the father to 2 girls, one just turned 15 (Ami Dolenz who was 20 at the time of production, that's why I have no problem putting a picture up of her from the film) who goes away for a couple of days. Dolenz is awkward with braces so his girlfriend Catherine Hicks gets her braces removed and a makeover and by the time he comes back there's a line around the block for the newly "beautiful" daughter.

Yeah, so it's not an entirely original plot, there is probably about a 1000 films or TV shows that have had a similar plot but within that here was stuff I found entertaining - Wallace Shawn is a shrink who Danza keeps following the advice and pretty much fills his head with paranoia, who is probably the most enjoyable part of the movie, we also have a young Matthew Perry here as well who plays a jerk pretty well. Dustin Diamond pops up briefly as a kid on the bach and Todd Bridges as a water man (who I assume was just doing his real job... I keed I keed)

It's Ami Dolenz film though if we are not convinced that all these boys would be wanting to get into pants it just wouldn't be convincing, she's very cute and think even plays the change pretty well compared to a lot of films where the characters go through makeovers. Also the film ends with one of those airport scenes where it's only possible pre-9/11.

Overall, I enjoyed watching the film, if critics give it bile maybe over people out there will dislike it, but it would be ideal for somebody doing an 80's night.

68 - We're No Angels

Connection To THE BIG WEDDING - Robert De Niro, wasting him on two lesser films I suppose.

I do remember that I saw We're No Angels when I was little, I remember the video cover, us renting it, even it been on, but honestly there is no memory of it, it's something I've always being meaning to revisit and not have left it I guess almost 25 year-ish

When I was little I obviously had no idea of flops and I kind of wish I didn't go through the period of reading reviews that would decide everything I watched, because it really is a better thing sometimes into a film quite blind other then little things like actors etc, you'll be surprised at how many films you'll enjoy then read up afterwards - you mean I wasn't supposed to like that.

Watching this in 2014, it's hard to believe this was at the time a rare venture in comedy for De Niro, considering it seems like every other film he does now is one and he is paired with the similarly serious Sean Penn (who at least had an iconic role in a comedy - Fast Times At Ridgemont High - by then), but I don't know something tells me I'm not exactly going to be watching a rip-roaring comedy when I start We're No Angels.

It's not bad but for a comedy it's rarely funny - which is one of the things you want most from a comedy, but oddly as long as the film is enjoyable it's not a total deal breaker - it certainly should be better though for the talents involved behind the camera (directed Neil Jordan and written by motherfucking David Mamet) and in the front. It mostly feels like there is more tension in whether they will get caught out then the humour.

The female lead is Demi Moore - so It's got 80's Demi Moore since this came out in 1989 - I don't know I tend to not find her as attractive once it's the 90's - she was cuter to me (see also One Crazy Summer, No Small Affair).

Overall, this film feels like a watch once unless I totally don't remember it in another nearly 25 years then it will get seen again, you can't fault the actors or anything but it's missing a spark for me.

Last note - today film-wise ends up being a disappointing day as nothing was that brilliant.

67 - The Big Wedding

Connection To ANYWHERE BUT HERE - Susan Sarandon

Now this is a film that's opening scene that has the opening scene of Robert De Niro about to do cunnilingus on Susan Sarandon before Diane Keaton disrupts it, picture this scene mentally how you will and you're welcome.

Honestly it was weigh up watching this film... on one hand I absolutely love Amanda Seyfried to bits, but on the other hand something about Katherine Heigl just drives me the wrong way (I honestly think it's some of the things she said), in the end despite the negative reviews I decided to risk it.

The Big Wedding as a sit-com plot where a now divorced couple have to pretend to still be married for the Colombian mother of there adopted son, so honestly the film could have been over within 20 minutes just by telling his mother the truth.

The truth is with The Big Wedding is that it keeps verging on being funny, there are genuinely fleeting funny moments but honestly the rest of the movie just falls short, I predictably wrongly that the father (Robert De Niro) would be caught "cheating" with his current girlfriend (Susan Sarandon) by the son's real mother, his divorced wife his played by Diane Keaton, who as you remember co-starred with De Niro in The Godfather Part II - how things change.

The rest of the cast - the kids including Topher Grace, a 29 year old virgin doctor who falls for his adopted brother's real sister, Katherine Heigl as the sister who is Heigl like and I don't know if it was a plot twist that she was pregnant all along and didn't know it because I could see it coming a mile off, Ben Barnes is the adopted son who's going to be marrying Amanda Seyfried - who is underused as far as I'm concerned - and we also get Robin Williams along for the ride as an ex-AA buddy of De Niro and now a priest who probably is in the best scenes of the film.

Overall is a film that is seriously lacking something, the cast aren't bad when it comes down to it but the material is trying but none of it fits together, you can live your life without seeing this movie.

66 - Anywhere But Here

Connection To THE JOYRIDERS - the three young "joyriders" of that movie all actually appear in this and it's from the same year (1999), so it's a connection between Shawn Hatosy, Elisabeth Moss or Heather McComb... you know what I'll go with McComb, you never know the two might come in handy at a later date.

Natalie Portman came onto the scene in astonishing style with Léon (as I knew it here in the UK or you might know it as The Professional) with a great performance as Matildha, she followed it up soon with roles in Heat (small but memorable), Mars Attacks and Everyone Says I Love - which I know you could argue on the quality of them last two movies but the them three films all had astonishing cast lists, during this time she also stole the show in the lesser-scene Beautiful Girls, by 1999 she would turn 18 so she would be categorized not a child actress anymore and the most famous for her that year was Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace, not a bad career choice from a certain point of view, but if this was some people's first experience of her they would genuinely think what a wooden actress she is, the same year she would make Anywhere But Here and if I was writing this in 1999 you could start to think maybe a question in a few years to come will be - whatever happened to Natalie Portman?

I need to start this next paragraph by saying I'm roughly the same age as Natalie Portman, well she is a year-ish older then me, the reason I had to start with that is that I have had a crush on Natalie Portman for so long now, spanning 3 decades (I always like saying stuff like that), probably since 1997/98 so she really is an age appropriate crush for me, I had cut out pictures of her on my bedroom wall, and as the years have gone the crush as never really gone away, even if other actresses have been let in and being allowed to share that affection - I didn't want people thinking I was a dirty old man well I write because I imagine some of how the movie is viewed is seen from how I was in my teenage years.

Anywhere But Here, along with Where The Heart Is, the following year is what I have always considered the period where she was in danger of falling into "safe" pictures, where the films are not necessarily bad but are just not the most challenging pictures - perhaps what you see is what you get.

ABH (what I'll call it from now on) as teenage daughter (Portman) and flighty mother (Susan Sarandon) upping sticks from a small town to California, hence the title of the film because it's not exactly where Portman wants to be, so most of the film is Portman moping (of missing home) or challenging her mother while she in return does stuff on the spare of the moment or insist they go for ice cream

Among the events in the movie has her cousin Shawn Hatosy SPOILER die during the movie, which seems like death by plot convenience to me to get a sad reaction from you as the audience member END OF SPOILER.

Perhaps the most effective scene for me is because I am child of divorce and my dad didn't want me is the scene where Portman is on the phone to her father who really wants nothing to do with her, I'm not sure how this scene would play to other people but me for I really identified with her.

Sadly a more interesting movie is presented when we saw Thora Birch in her underwear in her photo and then we learn Natalie Portman was the one who took it, am I alone in thinking that would be a better movie??? (get out of her you pervert)

Overall I can see why somebody with a different taste in movies would really like it but despite the lovely Portman it's just not the movie for me at the end of the day, and it's not that I disliked it I found it mainly okay despite decent performances from Portman and Sarandon.

65 - The Joyriders

Connection To METEOR - Martin Landau.

I actually put The Joyriders on knowing nothing other then it starred Martin Landau and Shawn Hatosy and it was called The Joyriders, so it's rare I go into a film totally blind not even knowing the plot, but here goes.

The film is about a suicidal elderly man (Landau) who ends up getting "kidnapped" by three wayward teens (Hatosy, Elisabeth Moss and Heather McComb) and though I predicted the direction the film was going to go (that they would start to identify with each other, care for each other etc.) I ended up really liking it once it get, I wish it would just get there a touch sooner.

I had a problem with the "kidnapping" which I have put in quotes because the film still wants you to identify with these characters that it's really something that is out of the kids control, it kind of doesn't make sense though how they end up taking Landau, mostly because it doesn't seem in their character until it actually happens.

The 4 leads characters gelled together really well particularly Landau with Moss - the more naive, sweetheart of the trio (Hatosy more immature and McComb more live wire) and she plays the sort of character you could fall in love with simply because she is so undeniably sweet even if her life as gone to shit. There is a good smaller role for Kris Kristofferson as a friendly preacher, he's enjoyable for the time he's on screen. The sole bad casting for me was Diane Venora as Moss' mother she just didn't deliver a very good performance.

Overall, the first part is not a bad film but the second part is very good, the longer the film goes the more you start to feel for the characters and by the end you are hoping for a happy ending for everyone.

64 - Meteor

Connection To O.K. Connery - Sean's brother Neil starred in that movie, I have decided to do family connection, on only one condition, if the relative is far, far less successful and it's very likely they are involved in film at all if it wasn't for the success of said relative.

I have such affection for the disaster movies of the 1970's, especially if it has Irwin Allen's name attached to it - I am SOLD - The Poseidon Adventure, The Towering Inferno are both to me bonafide classics - I just love them putting all-star casts in the middle of something catastrophic (be it man made or nature) and other non-Allen films ended up following suit, Meteor is one of them and ended up flopping and receiving a lot of negative write-ups but I am writing this bit before watching it (and having never seen it) - I am just hoping the 70's disaster movie charm follows on for me, so fingers crossed...

Meteor actually wasn't as bad as I heard, sure there was plenty of scenes where the main characters seemed to be just stood around staring at computer screens, and random cut backs to the meteor itself just really there floating in space - I've also heard people knock the special effects which to me whilst they did come post-Star Wars they still had their charm, the destruction of Hong Kong and later part of New York (the WTC is among the building seen destroyed).

I enjoyed an whole bunch of performances, which probably is where a lot of the budget went because it's a famous cast, one of my favourite scenes is Martin Landau as the general just throwing a proper hissy fit, besides that he is actually my favourite performance of the. The two leads are Sean Connery and Natalie Wood who have decent chemistry even if the dialogue handed to them to speak isn't the best. Wood is somebody I am big of anyway so I am touch bias there.

Overall far from perfect but not as bad as it's been lead to believe, I feel like say this often but if 20 minutes or so was shaved off the film would be tighter and a better experience for it.